"Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own." - Chinese Proverb
As you can see, there's a lot more to emotional intelligence than meets the eye. What is emotional intelligence exactly?
The most important pillars are self-awareness; self-management of behaviours, such as body language word choice, facial expressions and tone of voice; social awareness, which is the ability to perceive other people's emotions; and last but not least relationship management.
Please don't stop reading now...... I know that fun starts to fade when we have to have to think about ourselves. Isn't it true that we are all legends in our own mind? It's so much easier to tell other people what to do instead of taking a critical look in the mirror.
The term "emotional intelligence" could imply that emotional understanding is an innate ability that cannot be taught. However, most specialists agree that certain skills for working with others can be taught if..... the individual is willing to learn and has an open mind.
Stephen Covey provides great admonition in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", "seek first to understand, then to be understood".
I always say that business would be easy if there weren't any people involved.
I have learned over the past couple of years that the more I learn to understand myself, the better I understand the people around me. We are all different and.... that's a good thing! We have to embrace our differences. If we start to understand from where other people are coming from, understand how they make decisions, how they work, their motivators and their stressors, meaningful cooperation becomes so much easier.
It is always a fascinating experience for me when I see how people react completely differently when I change my behaviour and the way I deal with things.
Sometimes I am way too quick to judge the behaviours of others but then I remember to take a step back, breathe and re-evaluate. That's the time when I ask myself, "Karin, how are you doing in this very same aspect of your life?", and more often than not, I have to reluctantly admit that I can definitely improve in this area too. It has been said that when you point with your finger at someone else, three fingers point right back at you.
Studies have shown that emotional intelligence can contribute to success as much as - if not more than - intellectual aptitude.
In my workshops I can see how people start to change after only 2 hours. Learning to understand the different personality types of their co-workers is an eye opening experience for them. By increasing the awareness and holding them accountable to their behaviours, a whole new work dynamic starts to appear.
Many people don't know any better as they have never learned the impact their behaviour can have on other people and if they did, they forgot about it and never apply it in their work environment. Remember, knowing does not equal doing!
Things for you to consider to get started:
- High emotion = low intelligence: stop talking and listen with empathy
- Respect: remember "The Golden Rule" (treat others as you want to be treated)
- Sympathy: Shift your focus from "I" to "You" and start communicating this way
Be interested instead of being interesting. You will then become a more effective leader and well on your journey to excellence.
Dear Karen,
ReplyDeleteWhat a pleasure to read your opinions each and every time!
Also, what a pleasure would it be if more people and especially managers + politicians would even just a bit want to think as you do, have openness, honesty and step back from their own ego and pay more attention to the emotions of people, and the impact of their own behaviour. Everybody say's always "it's the other..." instead of looking in the mirror or inside themselves or instead of really wanting to listen and understand the other.
I totally agree with you that real listening is key, however, can we do this if we don't change first?
It has become my daily mantra that In order for things to change, I have to change. We can't change others; we can only change ourselves. However, when WE change, it changes everything. And in doing so, we truly can be the change we want to see in the world. That's also like Ghandi told it: "Be the change you want to see in the world".
You fit already perfectly and contribute to it very nicely ;-)!
Best regards,
Christophe